Bugs. Bacteria. They invade your body every day.
In Japan, people shower and bath before bed. They go through their whole day picking up bugs and bacteria, but they wash them off before bedtime.
Is this the key to Japanese longevity?
In Britain, we shower before work and unless we are going to a special event, we sleep in all the stuff that we have picked up throughout the day.
So I say to the citizens of the world - SLEEP CLEAN - WORK DIRTY - LIVE LONG........
and prosper.
Saturday 28 May 2011
Thursday 26 May 2011
What Chance a British Obama?
What are the chances of a British mixed race kid born to a white mother and an African father becoming prime minister?
Is it not a little ironic that the Queen and all the assorted establishment fawn over this wonderful president when a British equivalent would never stand a chance of being given his due, because he would be thwarted by the entrenched racism and class privilege which runs along every corridor to the heart of every room and seat of power in the land?
How easy it is to imagine Prince Phillip and countless other pompous landed gentry making racist jokes behind president Obama's back.
So to answer the question. There is no chance.
Until we do away with an unelected second chamber, and remove the hereditary principle from our head of state - Britain doesn't stand a chance of aspiring to be the kind of meritocracy where someone as eloquent as Barack Obama could be allowed to get anywhere near a position of power.
Is it not a little ironic that the Queen and all the assorted establishment fawn over this wonderful president when a British equivalent would never stand a chance of being given his due, because he would be thwarted by the entrenched racism and class privilege which runs along every corridor to the heart of every room and seat of power in the land?
How easy it is to imagine Prince Phillip and countless other pompous landed gentry making racist jokes behind president Obama's back.
So to answer the question. There is no chance.
Until we do away with an unelected second chamber, and remove the hereditary principle from our head of state - Britain doesn't stand a chance of aspiring to be the kind of meritocracy where someone as eloquent as Barack Obama could be allowed to get anywhere near a position of power.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Alien Invasion Brings Israelis and Palestinians Together in Peace
Let's face it. The only thing that's gonna stop these people killing each other is little green men running around in Ramallah and Tel Aviv.
The faces change in those peace photos with U.S. presidents, but the final chapter of "happy ever after" is never written, and it doesn't look likely to ever be written.
When I say the faces change, in the case of Israeli PMs they seem to be on a rolling loop. They seem to disappear and then turn up again ten years later. It's like the extras in The Truman Show.
It's a big shame, cos it's such a beautiful land.
The faces change in those peace photos with U.S. presidents, but the final chapter of "happy ever after" is never written, and it doesn't look likely to ever be written.
When I say the faces change, in the case of Israeli PMs they seem to be on a rolling loop. They seem to disappear and then turn up again ten years later. It's like the extras in The Truman Show.
It's a big shame, cos it's such a beautiful land.
David Cameron
I've been hard on this guy in the past, but I have to say I was impressed with his press conference today with Obama in London.
He's never going to be a man of the people - I still believe that most of us are peasants in his eyes, but he seems to be doing a professional job - so well done Dave!
Having said that, I still think he's a smarmy, self-serving, patronising, toffee-nosed twat.
He's never going to be a man of the people - I still believe that most of us are peasants in his eyes, but he seems to be doing a professional job - so well done Dave!
Having said that, I still think he's a smarmy, self-serving, patronising, toffee-nosed twat.
Milliband the Forgettable
You know the guy I'm talking about. He's the younger of the two brothers, sons of Ralph who I believe was some sort of Marxist.
But what's his name?
I keep forgetting. I know the older one's David.
I keep a pretty close watch on politics in Britain and I can't remember his name, so he hasn't got a hope in hell of becoming anywhere near memorable to the great unwashed.
Sure things in life - death and taxes. And Milliband the forgettable never being prime minister - you can bet on it - except you can't cos no bookie will ever take the bet.
But what's his name?
I keep forgetting. I know the older one's David.
I keep a pretty close watch on politics in Britain and I can't remember his name, so he hasn't got a hope in hell of becoming anywhere near memorable to the great unwashed.
Sure things in life - death and taxes. And Milliband the forgettable never being prime minister - you can bet on it - except you can't cos no bookie will ever take the bet.
Friday 20 May 2011
Athlete's Foot War
I recently got a bad case of Athlete's Foot. Must have caught it from the changing room or somewhere at the gym.
Not nice.
Tried some cream - didn't seem to do much good.
Got some new spray today and it stang like hell, but it made me feel like I was killing the fungi f***ers who invaded my body.
I hate to see the smoke pouring out of a chemical factory, but when those chems are helping to kill the things invading my body - I just love em.
Come on you FUNGI - You're facing tea tree oil, baking soda, salt water and all the combined weapons of the multinational pharma industry.
YOU WILL NOT WIN!
Not nice.
Tried some cream - didn't seem to do much good.
Got some new spray today and it stang like hell, but it made me feel like I was killing the fungi f***ers who invaded my body.
I hate to see the smoke pouring out of a chemical factory, but when those chems are helping to kill the things invading my body - I just love em.
Come on you FUNGI - You're facing tea tree oil, baking soda, salt water and all the combined weapons of the multinational pharma industry.
YOU WILL NOT WIN!
Thursday 12 May 2011
Nasal Hair
For years - never had any. No problem.
Now - 40 +. It's there and it needs cutting.
Don't start me on eyebrow hair!
Now - 40 +. It's there and it needs cutting.
Don't start me on eyebrow hair!
Wednesday 11 May 2011
Girls Dressed Up
Girls look rubbish dressed up.
Girls love getting dressed up, but I think they look much better without any make up and wearing casual clothes.
A fancy dress. No thanks.
Jeans and a sweatshirt - OK.
The Academy Awards are hilarious. All the stars are preening in these ridiculously expensive designer dresses and I just think they look ridiculous.
Girls love getting dressed up, but I think they look much better without any make up and wearing casual clothes.
A fancy dress. No thanks.
Jeans and a sweatshirt - OK.
The Academy Awards are hilarious. All the stars are preening in these ridiculously expensive designer dresses and I just think they look ridiculous.
Private Practice
I used to watch this show until one day I realised how ridiculous it was.
10 people in 1 workplace keep having affairs with each other.
10 people in 1 workplace keep having affairs with each other.
Water and Kindles
Nice hot day.
You fancy reading your book on an inflatable in the swimming pool.
But you don't have a book. You have an electronic reading device.
Are you gonna risk it?
You fancy reading your book on an inflatable in the swimming pool.
But you don't have a book. You have an electronic reading device.
Are you gonna risk it?
Star Trek
Used to love it.
As soon as I had a child - went off it - instantly. Just couldn't watch it.
Just wondered if this kind of fantasy escapism is dependent on one's actual responsibility in the real world.
As soon as I had a child - went off it - instantly. Just couldn't watch it.
Just wondered if this kind of fantasy escapism is dependent on one's actual responsibility in the real world.
Obama and the HOOO rah
Obama doesn't do the miltary base promo so well.
Came natural to George 'yee ha' W.
Doesn't sit so easy with Barack.
I guess that's the price you have to pay for four more years.
Came natural to George 'yee ha' W.
Doesn't sit so easy with Barack.
I guess that's the price you have to pay for four more years.
Thursday 5 May 2011
Claude Choules
Claude Choules, the last known surviving combat veteran of WW1 has died.
When the last witnesses pass away it is a time to be ever more mindful of the full horror of war.
It's interesting that Mr Choules became a pacifist in his later life and refused to take part in parades.
After recent events and the jubilation which followed, perhaps we would do well to remember that there is no glory in death.
Rest in peace, Mr Choules.
When the last witnesses pass away it is a time to be ever more mindful of the full horror of war.
It's interesting that Mr Choules became a pacifist in his later life and refused to take part in parades.
After recent events and the jubilation which followed, perhaps we would do well to remember that there is no glory in death.
Rest in peace, Mr Choules.
Staring into the Fridge
The fridge.
I was staring into the fridge today. It made me wonder how much time we spend staring into the fridge.
When the weather's hot, it's nice to get that little cool breeze.
Let's hear it for the fridge.
I was staring into the fridge today. It made me wonder how much time we spend staring into the fridge.
When the weather's hot, it's nice to get that little cool breeze.
Let's hear it for the fridge.
Wednesday 4 May 2011
Abbottabadd and Back - The Movie
Kathyryn Bigelow's movie about killing Bin Laden has just had some plot changes forced on it.
There'll probably be a raft of cheap movies about the event. Perhaps the cast of The Expendables could reunite for one of them.
I imagine Arnie would love to deliver the line,
"Osama, we've got AbbottaBAD news for you."
There'll probably be a raft of cheap movies about the event. Perhaps the cast of The Expendables could reunite for one of them.
I imagine Arnie would love to deliver the line,
"Osama, we've got AbbottaBAD news for you."
Sunday 1 May 2011
The Libyan Expats' Views
I've no doubt that Libyan expats who call for the end of Gaddafi have the best interests of their country at heart, but it reminds me of the clamour from Iraqi expats who were vociferous in their support for the removal of Sadam Hussein.
However, when the country falls to pieces, these same expats stay safe in their adopted homes, and are more likely to have the money to buy up land and property in Libya when relative stability returns.
Do we ever hear from the normal working people who have to sacrifice so much when their country is torn apart, and don't have the money to fly off to some safe haven somewhere else?
The working man is always fighting on the front line, and the working man and his family are always in the firing line.
However, when the country falls to pieces, these same expats stay safe in their adopted homes, and are more likely to have the money to buy up land and property in Libya when relative stability returns.
Do we ever hear from the normal working people who have to sacrifice so much when their country is torn apart, and don't have the money to fly off to some safe haven somewhere else?
The working man is always fighting on the front line, and the working man and his family are always in the firing line.
Saint Olly of Bristol
The Catholic church is in the process of beatifying pope John Paul II which is one step away from making him a saint.
Apparently there is no doubt that he performed at least 1 miracle and there are several more miracles which are being considered to give him the required 2 to make saint.
If Ian Holloway keeps Blackpool in the premier league this season, the vatican is rumoured to be considering a fast track procedure to make him Saint Olly of Bristol.
"Helping Blackpool to Escape relegation from the premier league would be a miracle of such glorious proportions that we feel instant sainthood would apply to Mr Holloway,"
suggested a vatican spokesman.
Apparently there is no doubt that he performed at least 1 miracle and there are several more miracles which are being considered to give him the required 2 to make saint.
If Ian Holloway keeps Blackpool in the premier league this season, the vatican is rumoured to be considering a fast track procedure to make him Saint Olly of Bristol.
"Helping Blackpool to Escape relegation from the premier league would be a miracle of such glorious proportions that we feel instant sainthood would apply to Mr Holloway,"
suggested a vatican spokesman.
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